alcoholism, recovery, Sober Living, Teetotaler, Uncategorized

200 days and counting…

Today marks 200 days sober and free! That’s over 4,800 hours, 288,000 minutes, and 17,280,000 seconds that I’ve chosen to not uncork my old friends- pinot noir and cabernet sauvignon.

Last year I hit this amazing mark, and believe me, it felt awesome! But this time around it feels SO different in the best of ways.

This time I feel more at peace and confident in my journey. I feel like I can share my story and the embarrassment is little-to-none. I feel like it’s second nature to opt for a mocktail rather than a cocktail all while holding my head high.

Last go-around, I felt like I had to hide from people and was deeply trapped in my head. The feelings of “being different” or “being the elephant in the room” loomed over me. I felt like I was missing out on the fun and was viewed as boring.

But now, I embrace the mess that brought me to this point. I am grateful for the genuine happiness and confidence that has sprouted over the last 200 days. I am grateful for the relationships I’m building and mending. I’m grateful to be alive.

Don’t get me wrong, though- not everyday is roses! In fact, I’ve had dozens of dark days where I get lost in my head and question “why can’t I be a ‘normal’?” Thankfully, those days are becoming fewer and fewer, and I’m always learning new ways to bring about brightness once again.

Earlier this year as I was perusing the web for sober blogs and groups (my support method of choice), I stumbled across Kate Bee’sย The Sober School. I read a couple of her blogs, and found this little gem that really hit home for me:

“Alcohol-free living gives you the time, energy, and headspace to craft a life you genuinely love. One that’s so good, you don’t need to numb yourself at the end of everyday.”ย 

I love everything about this quote especially as I break it down for myself-

Time-ย 

I have SO much more time now! Time to read books, workout, clean, go out with friends, go shopping, do house projects, cook, and be with my family. I think about all the time that was stolen from me because of hangovers or because I was too far gone to do the things I really love, the activities that allow me to live a life I love.

Energy-

At this moment in time, I feel like I’ll forever be in mombie-mode, but overall, I really do have way more energy! When you don’t wake up feeling like death or feel (extra) sleepy after a couple of glasses of wine, you can take on the world! You also have more stamina to handle toddler meltdowns.

Headspace-

This one is HUGE for me because I think of how much headspace was stolen by booze. My head was constantly filled with- when will I get my first glass? How will I get my nightly bottle? When I can have my second glass? Do I have enough money in my account to get (more) booze? How do I get more in single-mom-mode? What if I run out? When can I start drinking at so-and-so’s house? Am I acting drunk? What did I do last night? Just one more. Maybe I should take a shot to balance myself out this morning.

And now, all those thoughts are GONE! My head is clear, and I get to fill it with new, happy thoughts like- what workout am I going to do this early a.m.? What goals do I have for myself this month? What healthy food choices am I going to make today? Who can I go share a coffee and a laugh with this week? Where should I take the kids today? What ice cream do I want to try (and not feel in the lease bit guilty about it!)? What book do I want to read this week? When can I work on my blog? What activities are going on at church that I can attend?

This lifestyle I’m living is truly amazing and so liberating! The desire to numb myself out has vastly faded because I am creating a life I love. I’m in control, not the booze. And I know that if I’m feeling this good at 200 days, the feeling is only going to get greater with each passing day.

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