This week more than most is really teaching me that sometimes you need to just rip up the “To-do” list and be selfish to save sanity.
When my husband hits the road for long missions, without fail, I hit a wall at the halfway point. Hearing “Mommy!” makes me want to crawl into a cave never to return to society. Drinking coffee doesn’t conflict with a nap. Deep breathing might be mistaken as hyperventilating to an outsider. And getting anything done becomes a laughable matter.
Being in single-mom-mode for three kids five and under is quite stressful, I think for anyone. Every kid has their own needs and wants, and you’re tugged in all directions. You cannot keep them all happy, maybe two out of three, but never collectively. You stay up too late because you FINALLY have peace and quiet to think, yet your brain is so fried you forget to think. Your own needs and wants get pushed to the side, and even taking a shower becomes a family affair.
Out of all the challenges in my life, motherhood takes the W! Being a mom has brought about more anxiety than I could ever imagined, and I know for a fact that’s why my drinking snowballed.
I’m not the mom who can ignore a typical toddler meltdown. I feel obligated to answer every.single.time someone screams, “Mommy!” If I cannot understand their feelings or words, I take on their frustration. I feel guilty if I have to tend to cleaning duties and can’t play or snuggle on demand. I have NO patience for repeating myself beyond two times. And, oh how I struggle with a messy house!
But here’s the good news- I know deep down that God is working HARD on me via mommyhood (and now sober mommyhood). And I really believe that by listening to myself and praying this a.m. I heard my message- “Rip up the ‘To-do’ list, Alison! Recharge the best you can to push through the final few days alone.”
That said, today has become a day of “Yes!” and supervision only. I’m giving my kids the freedom to be kids- to make messes, to watch Teen Titans and movies all day, to roam all rooms (which has now resulted in the boys trying on all my high heels), to eat all the snacks, and to just do their thang!
And me? Well, I’m working on the blog. I’m going to finish a book. I’m going to connect with some other sober moms and peeps. I may or may not workout- just going to go with how I’m feeling this afternoon. I’m going to take a nap. I’m going to take a bath (even if it does involve an audience). I’m going to do some research on getting certified as a personal trainer (an exciting topic for me for a future post). Simply put, I’m going to be a little selfish and be a “Minimum Mom” today.
I need it.
The kids need it.
The to-do list needs it.
Peace out to all that must get done! We’ll meet again tomorrow.