This week I celebrated 180 days- a full six months- without a single drop of alcohol. What a milestone!
Being at this point certainly excites me to the fullest, and I am happy to admit it’s been a hell of a lot easier than my eight-month stint last year. BUT I’ve started to have some mixed thoughts running through my head. Questions, if you will, and I’d be lying if I didn’t admit their presence.
These thoughts started a week-ish ago while I was on an early morning run. I was trotting along feeling proud about how well my workouts have been going, how strong I felt. Then WHAM! I got slapped in the mental face with…
“How come you weren’t as disciplined in your drinking as you are with workouts?”
“How come you can get up at 4 a.m. even when you don’t want to, fight off excuses, and still complete your workout agenda?”
“How can you limit your sweet, nightly indulgence of ice cream to one itty-bitty bowl and you couldn’t simply have one glass of wine?”
Then a couple of days later on the initial drive of our recent family vacation, which you can read about it here, I found myself asking my husband, “Do you think this whole non-drinking deal is forever?”
Forever is a BIG scary word when making personal changes.
I mean, seriously, when was the last time you kicked a semi-daily habit for good? When have you had to dig so deep into your soul, rely on God (or any higher power outside yourself) with all your might, and brace yourself for infinite adaptations spiritually, emotionally, physically, and socially?
Sobriety is a tough road to travel, and oftentimes, feels like a lonely road. And although I have no answers to my questions, I know what I must do to stay on said road- I need to not drink today.
I need to enjoy that hangover free workout.
I need to enjoy that ice cream.
I need to let myself feel- good or bad.
I need to breathe.
I need to take it all in stride.
I need to put a cork in my tempting thoughts of uncorking a bottle of red wine.
I need to pray harder.
I need to be nice to myself and be proud of where I’m at on this journey.
I just need to not pick up the bottle today, and repeat tomorrow.
When you boil a lifestyle change down to one day, one hour, one simple second and conquer- forever doesn’t have room to scare you. Forever hasn’t arrived. We only have right now and the choices we make.
And ya know what? My choice right now, today, is to live sober, to live free!